self-justification (self-pity 2)

a little additional epiphany as to why people resort to the 'you don't understand me' justification for doing what they do (this was triggered by a wanna-be artist defending her theme of morbidity by saying 'people don't have to understand it' and 'it's my way of expressing something different') : so long as there is a perceived lowest common denominator of thought or sentiment about an issue (in this case, an assumed mainstream taste in art), the attempt to do something perceived as contrary to the prevailing ethos supplies both the self-justification and individualism impulse, as well as the identity and definition-by-alienation need.

of course lowest common thought begets lowest individual response.

dredging

i'm ignorant whether anyone has studied the correlation between the frequency, intensity and variety of nostalgic thought, self-reflective remonstrance or affirmation, indulgence of memory and current mental health, outlook and critical disposition.

some people think back all the time and these thoughts inform their present behaviour; others are oblivious to such pessimistic dredging, limiting their recall to shared good times when amongst a bunch of long-time-no-see friends. this spectrum fascinates?

immediacy

it's hard to write immediately. nothing within triggers a wordsworthian outpouring of spontaneous emotion or thought. it's the same whether an empty html box waits to be filled in, or whether there is a writing assignment to submit or poem to create. neither is immediacy enabled nor procrastination abated.

and it never comes out right the first time anyway.

blessed are the ranters and ravers, for they shall achieve wordiness of blog.

online tests

damn they are addictive: random brutal love dreamer aka man-child; extraversion intuition feeling perception aka promethean aka phlegmatic; modern cool nerd; golden retriever; death at 77 from cancer / heart-related conditions; the wit; sauron; etc.

this list will be updated occasionally.

teachers' blogs

yesterday's paper raised the issue, commenting on the voyeuristic interest students would have of their teachers' chronicles, and the need for said educationists to self-censor by virtue of their position and influence.

as if we didn't have enough self-censorship in the first place, but i understand the need for a public persona since we all maintain one, so it's not as if we're taking the extra trouble to do so on a blog. let public rant and vent space be exactly that. once observed, there should be no fear of discovery or repercussion from either direction.

chores

three responses encompass all: avoidance, anal-retentiveness, and as necessary evil. i suspect most people fall under the third category, or play mind games to convince themselves of its value in therapy, to motivate themselves through house-proudness, to grumble as catharsis.

while some have given thought to the value of the mundane, perhaps it's meaningful to contemplate the value of drudgery as well. consider.

tears of joy

literally, buckets. haven't seen up close before. girl scored a b for literature. said it meant more to her than her other subjects with clearly better grades. it's her payoff for all the hard work and the dramatic improvement over her lacklustre erstwhile performance.

said she'd like to be a tale told to students of posterity. so for what it's worth, there we go.

and for what it's worth to me, you're welcome.

culmination

results out today. par for the course. i'm persuaded in the light of comparative weakening of performance from others that maintenance is positive achievement. that's good to know.

so the cycle ends. the inevitability of feeling that slight sense of loss and futility of action accompanies. i ride the trough and hope it doesn't make me more distant than i'm already becoming.